It’s not hard to find a billboard or Facebook post about “keeping Christ in Christmas” or “remember the reason for the season!” But the reason used to be quite different so I thought I’d spent a bit of time talking about some older myths about the season from other cultures.

Krampus: Plenty of people have already heard of this guy.  In many European countries, he served as a sort of “anti-Santa.”  If you were a good child, Santa would bring you the treats.  Krampus, on the other hand, would swoop in to punish unruly children.  Usually this involved the kids being kidnapped or otherwise attacked.  This dude is seeing a bit of a resurgence in the modern era with festivals in which people dress up as Krampus and march down the streets.

The Christmas Cat: You’re going to find a bit of a theme here, which is the absolute hatred that Nordic cultures have of children.  The Christmas Cat, or Jólakötturinn, hearkens back to an Icelandic tradition where folks who completed work on time were gifted new clothes at Christmastime.  So then parents concocted the tale of the Christmas Cat, a mean feline who could tell who lazy children were because they had old, tattered clothing.  And if these children had no new clothes, the Christmas Cat would sneak in and eat them so they’d better behave!  If you’re wondering how deeply ingrained this one is, it turns out that Icelanders put in more overtime than any other European country.

The Yule Lads: We’re gonna hang out in Iceland for a bit longer.  The Yule Lads are a group of 13 Icelandic trolls.  Each had its own name and personality, and they were generally unwanted houseguests who would hang around causing tons of mischief.  At the very least, they weren’t murdering children, but they were stealing milk and meat and candy.  When the 20th century rolled around and the Norwegian variant of Santa was introduced, these 13 lads ended up turning into some weird mish-mash of prankster jerks who also leave gifts in your shoes if you’re a well-behaved child.

Grýla: One more Icelandic murder-monster.  Grýla here is actually associated with the previous entry in that she became the mother to the Yule Lads somewhere in the 17th century.  She’s basically the worst X-Man: her superpower is detecting misbehaving children no matter what time of year it is.  And, as it turns out, unruly children are her favorite snack.  When Christmastime would roll around, she’d leave her cave in the mountains and start prowling nearby towns.  Once she lured out naughty children, she’d eat them right up.

Père Fouettard: We’re done in Iceland for now.  Next up is this crazy French bastard.  Rumor has it old Fouettard was a butcher and, on his way home one day, he happened across three rich boys from a local school.  He robbed and kidnapped them then later he murdered them.  Cut them right up and stuffed em in barrels.  Don’t fret!  Good old Saint Nick found out about this atrocity and, as punishment, makes Fouettard…uh…follow Santa around.  And…well, it turns out if you’re a bad kid, Santa Claus turns a blind eye while Père Fouettard mauls you.

Frau Perchta: While we’re on the subject of mauling small children, here’s a lady from Bavarian and Austrian lore.  During the Christmas season, Frau Perchta roams the land and enters homes.  Once inside, she inquires as to whether the servants and children have been good this year.  If they’ve behaved themselves, she presents to them a silver coin.  If they’ve been bad?  Well she just cuts open their bellies, removes all their guts, and replaces the organs with straw!

Whuff.  I guess a lump of coal isn’t so bad now is it, American kids?